Students often misplace their stuff and, when an initial search proves futile, an anxious email is often sent out, a day's worth of movements are retraced, and aspersions cast. It doesn't take too long before the words "someone took my…" are uttered. The truth is that most of the time missing items reappear. We don't often hear that side of it. No one sends out an email announcing that they eventually found their backpack exactly where they last left it. While books and small items do indeed get swiped from time to time, calculated theft is rare; when it does occur, folks agree that those who steal need to be stopped and answer for their actions. Few students would balk at turning in a peer if that peer were a thief. Everyone is pretty much in agreement that doing so would not result in social ostracism. Besides, most kids would agree that those who steal someone's Ipod or computer or phone deserve what they get. Everyone knows the havoc that one thief - and they usually act alone - can create in a community such as ours.
So how is it that when a thoughtless student repeatedly steals another kid's dignity with ridicule and verbal slices, many of us either treat it as a right of passage or find a way to put this universal experience into a digestible perspective? Both approaches are tough to swallow, especially if you are the kid on the receiving end. If anyone accused you or your child of placing greater value on material goods over another child's rightful place in this community, you would be insulted. Rightfully so. Yet, many students and parents feel it would be a form of social suicide to call out a bully on their actions, and I would argue that this perspective is more often than not learned behavior. But I get it. No one wants to be seen as that person, the rat. No one wants to navigate the endless whispers and cold shoulders that surely would follow from some quarters. (Why any adult would allow the opinions or the perceived status of some folks to hold them hostage is a topic for another day.) Most folks, students and the like, believe that being systematically ostracized, humiliated or bullied for any length of time is arguably the worst thing that could happen to anyone during their time at Nobles. Who would argue that one? Clearly, we adults have the power, ability, and belief to make sure that our ethical and moral obligations to our children do not wither for the same reasons that hold our own children in check.
A while ago I put forth the proposition that there are no innocent bystanders, that those who sat idle while classmates were being humiliated or taken advantage of against their wishes were a major part of the problem. Our students will forever hesitate to stand up for what is morally right if they perceive a social cost, and they may never do it if the adults in their world do not stand up with them and for them in their formative years. That said, like it or not, kids are influenced more by their peer group than they are by adults. But in the world of bullying and systematic humiliation, the adults of this community need to be trusting partners and activists in their own right. We must make it our priority to address all situations in which a student's dignity is undermined with clarity, action, and courage so that our children can not only take better care of themselves but of each other.
Useful links:
Name: Anne Collier
Name: Carrie James